YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
