ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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