He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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