just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it glows. i had to have it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
