So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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