Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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