meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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