when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
soo... how was my night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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