I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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