Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
