just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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