YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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