So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He did a backflip because drugs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
