captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
