you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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