Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
