I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
