I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
