Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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