Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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