In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize