she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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