You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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