well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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