btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I FOUND THE LEGS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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