Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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