A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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