Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
