I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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