She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
