Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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