she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
