My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
