the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
