so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
