So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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