New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize