halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
