does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
