So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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