she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
