If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
