Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
