He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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