Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
