I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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