wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I could make wine with my vomit
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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