Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
