Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize