It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
