so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
