You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
