I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
