i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
