Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
