hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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