just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
