oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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