I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
