guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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