it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
