I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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