I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
