I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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