ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize