he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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