Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
