Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"

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(727): View more from Florida

His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.

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(716): View more from New York

I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.

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(858): View more from California

the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.

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(416): View more from Toronto

In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”

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