weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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