His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
