I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
