Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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