One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
even my farts smell like vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
