the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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