i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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