my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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