I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
