summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
