a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
