I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
