Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
