So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
