My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize