i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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