Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
