I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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