my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
