Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
