This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
