This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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