i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize