Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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