His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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