i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
