ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
