while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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