I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
