i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
