glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize