Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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