I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
