worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
