sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
