We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
