so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
