im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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